Years ago when i was looking to buy an apartment, i would go with the wife to visit all these slightly out of town new complexes.
The moment they saw me it was: "Ok, I take you to see the swimming pool and the gym. I know that you foreigners care most about your leisure activity."
I would reply: "I would also like to know that the building isn't going to fall down and i have a shower, but you are right - Take me the jacuzzi. It is all that matters."
My wife tells me there is now an advertisement for an apartment building that takes these very ideas as its theme. The building is in Hong Shu Lin near Danshuei and, as it has a seaview, they built it with particularly big balconies.
Apparently, they have a big, fat foreign dude walking around saying things like:
"Wow, this wouldn't look out of place in America."
"Yes, even my family from back home would live here."
Showing posts with label stereotypes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stereotypes. Show all posts
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Taipei famous spots: The combat zone and old Asia
For one of John's last nights in Taipei - he left often and came back - we went to the combat zone.
The combat zone was an old strip of bars left over from when the American servicemen were stationed in Taipei.
As non-expat young guys we never went there, but it was interesting to see how stereotypes of Asia were alive and well.
We rarely went there because it was an odd place that reminded you of Thailand or the Philippines with its neon lights and bars with names like Malibu or California Dreaming, and girls in the entrance shouting at you to come in. You simply didn’t see this anywhere else in Taipei - of course there were hundreds of Adult KTVs and whorehouses, but the sell was always soft, passive in fact, hidden behind a door.
We went in the first place, The Bull and Parrot, and soon got a reminder of the most important reason why we didn’t go there normally: paying for sex or company was totally unnecessary in Taipei.
We ordered drinks and very soon four not so young or good-looking girls came and sat next to us. They themselves obviously didn't get out of this area very often because they should have guessed from our age and dress we weren't going to be forthcoming with the cash. They made basic conversation about where we were from, and we answered in Chinese that we were students, but it still didn't shake them off.
"You want to buy us a house drink?" asked my one.
I shouldn't have asked because I knew it would just encourage her, but i was curious: "How much?" I asked.
"400NT," she replied and I choked a little on my Taiwan beer.
"That is ok," I replied. "Just here to have a few drinks with my friends."
She continued. "I would like to talk to you," she said pushing herself up close.
"No, thanks," I replied but i was beginning to lose my patience and get stressed. "Why don't you get me a drink for the pleasure of talking to me?"
We moved to the place next door and on entering told the barmaid not to send any girls if she wanted us to stay and drink beer.
We sat down next to a group of guys from Silicon Valley who were in town for the technology show. They all had a girl next to them and kept asking us if we wanted one. We told them it was not necessary to pay for female company in Taiwan, and they just laughed incredulously.
All around the bar European or American businessmen were paying ridiculous amounts of money for the chat of some very average looking girl; and they were doing it because they believed it was necessary. It was Asia after all, and, especially if they had spent a lot of time in China and Thailand, they had picked up the impression that all girls in bars were whores and any that didn't require payment were sat at home knitting or reading Buddhist scripture. They had no idea there was a westernised middle class who were out in bars having fun.
We left after a few hours and offered to take them with us to the other bars, but they knew better - or were scared either way...
The combat zone was an old strip of bars left over from when the American servicemen were stationed in Taipei.
As non-expat young guys we never went there, but it was interesting to see how stereotypes of Asia were alive and well.
We rarely went there because it was an odd place that reminded you of Thailand or the Philippines with its neon lights and bars with names like Malibu or California Dreaming, and girls in the entrance shouting at you to come in. You simply didn’t see this anywhere else in Taipei - of course there were hundreds of Adult KTVs and whorehouses, but the sell was always soft, passive in fact, hidden behind a door.
We went in the first place, The Bull and Parrot, and soon got a reminder of the most important reason why we didn’t go there normally: paying for sex or company was totally unnecessary in Taipei.
We ordered drinks and very soon four not so young or good-looking girls came and sat next to us. They themselves obviously didn't get out of this area very often because they should have guessed from our age and dress we weren't going to be forthcoming with the cash. They made basic conversation about where we were from, and we answered in Chinese that we were students, but it still didn't shake them off.
"You want to buy us a house drink?" asked my one.
I shouldn't have asked because I knew it would just encourage her, but i was curious: "How much?" I asked.
"400NT," she replied and I choked a little on my Taiwan beer.
"That is ok," I replied. "Just here to have a few drinks with my friends."
She continued. "I would like to talk to you," she said pushing herself up close.
"No, thanks," I replied but i was beginning to lose my patience and get stressed. "Why don't you get me a drink for the pleasure of talking to me?"
We moved to the place next door and on entering told the barmaid not to send any girls if she wanted us to stay and drink beer.
We sat down next to a group of guys from Silicon Valley who were in town for the technology show. They all had a girl next to them and kept asking us if we wanted one. We told them it was not necessary to pay for female company in Taiwan, and they just laughed incredulously.
All around the bar European or American businessmen were paying ridiculous amounts of money for the chat of some very average looking girl; and they were doing it because they believed it was necessary. It was Asia after all, and, especially if they had spent a lot of time in China and Thailand, they had picked up the impression that all girls in bars were whores and any that didn't require payment were sat at home knitting or reading Buddhist scripture. They had no idea there was a westernised middle class who were out in bars having fun.
We left after a few hours and offered to take them with us to the other bars, but they knew better - or were scared either way...
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Stereotypes: Taiwanese men on Taiwanese girls who like foreigners
What Taiwanese men thought of their women who dated foreigners was a subject it was best to not get onto for obvious reasons: they knew that for whatever idiotic reason we had the physical edge, we didn’t want to be seen as bragging, and we didn’t want to hear any negative reasons for why they thought this was the case.
Still it sits there below the surface and has to come out occasionally. On this particular occasion I was sat at lunch time with my colleagues eating our bowls of beef noodle soup and listening to the TV. It was another anti-foreigner week in the media as on Monday some guy was arrested for cheating a bunch of girls out of money so now the media was trotting out a story a day of predator foreigners shagging as many poor, innocent Taiwanese girls as possible and then leaving. Once you have been there in Taiwan a while you know there is nothing to worry about: everyone knows not to trust the media just treat it as entertainment, it isn’t going to get violent, and at the end of week the news will go back to stories of politicians shagging their secretaries. In short, Taiwanese know the world is complicated and naughty and they don’t bear a grudge.
As the TV screamed 'foreigner' there was an edgy silence in the room as I was the only foreign dude. I decided to break the ice: “I don’t understand these girls either – Giving up their culture and family just for some stupid stereotype of the white man. But seriously – I kind of understand now after all these years that we are different cultures and it is extremely tough having a relationship. What are these girls thinking?” I said.
Bryant was young and proud so the first to bite. “I don’t know,” he said. “You see them in the park…It is a particular Taiwanese girl who like the foreigner…”
“I know,” I said. “But what kind of girl? – I have dated many and I don’t know why they want us either?”
“They feel no Taiwanese guy wants them,” he continued. “Usually it is the big ones – they think you foreigners don’t mind the big girl.”
“The too individualistic type,” said Jay Chan, the new product marketing guy.
“They are unhappy,” said Eric Chu, a guy from power engineering who had joined us for lunch.
I feigned offence so Eric jumped in: “but not your girlfriend of course, she is beautiful” and they all nodded together.
“Sure,” I said. “There are exceptions to every rule. Didn’t you tell me your sister married a foreigner Jay?”
Once they had told me my girlfriend was beautiful they felt they could continue. “You know, a little strange,” said Jack Liu another power engineer.
“No, it is just have no confidence ones,” said Stephen Liao, a guy in his forties who is head of product management.
At this point we had already finished, paid and were walking back to the office. “I don’t know,” I said. “They say the more outgoing ones, stronger and more independent personalities go for foreigners - The ones who want equality.”
At this they all burst out laughing and started slapping me on the back.
“Don’t you just love these foreigners,” said Stephen Liao. “They are so honest…My point exactly the weird ones…the ones we don’t want.”
Stephen, Jack and Eric walked off at this point to take the lift up to the eighth floor. As they walked off they continued to double over laughing to themselves about those self-deprecating foreigners.
“…We would have a face problem,” said Eric as they lift doors shut.
Still it sits there below the surface and has to come out occasionally. On this particular occasion I was sat at lunch time with my colleagues eating our bowls of beef noodle soup and listening to the TV. It was another anti-foreigner week in the media as on Monday some guy was arrested for cheating a bunch of girls out of money so now the media was trotting out a story a day of predator foreigners shagging as many poor, innocent Taiwanese girls as possible and then leaving. Once you have been there in Taiwan a while you know there is nothing to worry about: everyone knows not to trust the media just treat it as entertainment, it isn’t going to get violent, and at the end of week the news will go back to stories of politicians shagging their secretaries. In short, Taiwanese know the world is complicated and naughty and they don’t bear a grudge.
As the TV screamed 'foreigner' there was an edgy silence in the room as I was the only foreign dude. I decided to break the ice: “I don’t understand these girls either – Giving up their culture and family just for some stupid stereotype of the white man. But seriously – I kind of understand now after all these years that we are different cultures and it is extremely tough having a relationship. What are these girls thinking?” I said.
Bryant was young and proud so the first to bite. “I don’t know,” he said. “You see them in the park…It is a particular Taiwanese girl who like the foreigner…”
“I know,” I said. “But what kind of girl? – I have dated many and I don’t know why they want us either?”
“They feel no Taiwanese guy wants them,” he continued. “Usually it is the big ones – they think you foreigners don’t mind the big girl.”
“The too individualistic type,” said Jay Chan, the new product marketing guy.
“They are unhappy,” said Eric Chu, a guy from power engineering who had joined us for lunch.
I feigned offence so Eric jumped in: “but not your girlfriend of course, she is beautiful” and they all nodded together.
“Sure,” I said. “There are exceptions to every rule. Didn’t you tell me your sister married a foreigner Jay?”
Once they had told me my girlfriend was beautiful they felt they could continue. “You know, a little strange,” said Jack Liu another power engineer.
“No, it is just have no confidence ones,” said Stephen Liao, a guy in his forties who is head of product management.
At this point we had already finished, paid and were walking back to the office. “I don’t know,” I said. “They say the more outgoing ones, stronger and more independent personalities go for foreigners - The ones who want equality.”
At this they all burst out laughing and started slapping me on the back.
“Don’t you just love these foreigners,” said Stephen Liao. “They are so honest…My point exactly the weird ones…the ones we don’t want.”
Stephen, Jack and Eric walked off at this point to take the lift up to the eighth floor. As they walked off they continued to double over laughing to themselves about those self-deprecating foreigners.
“…We would have a face problem,” said Eric as they lift doors shut.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Western stereotypes: Once a liberal always a liberal I
Remember the liberal has to execute with his bare hands in order to convince everyone he is not soft on crime? Well, there are plenty of situations where the analogy plays out in Taiwan on both sides: we are supposed to be dirty horn dogs who are afraid of commitment, obsessed with our space, right to decide, confrontational and too direct; they are supposed to be hiding their feelings, lacking independence, and not able to give a straight answer.
It leads to many misunderstandings:
The classic situation was the restaurant and complaining. I would very politely suggest that i had ordered steak not pork and would it be possible to change the food, and the girlfriend or date would say: "You foreigners like to argue, don't you?"
Once you were here a little while it became more annoying as you realized Taiwan was hardly a garden of peace: at work you listened open mouthed as the boss bollocked his staff for half an hour - and last night on the news a legislator called another ‘a fucking thick bitch’ in the legislature because she didn’t understand Taiwanese - then there were the usual four or five killings because someone beeped their horn at the wrong person or gave someone a strange look in a pool hall; however, we foreigners like to argue.
“Sorry, for offending the karma of peace and tranquillity you Taiwanese all have," I would reply.
All this just to get laid with a hot girl - which kind of, in a stroke, immediately eliminates any superiority i might have been feeling.
It leads to many misunderstandings:
The classic situation was the restaurant and complaining. I would very politely suggest that i had ordered steak not pork and would it be possible to change the food, and the girlfriend or date would say: "You foreigners like to argue, don't you?"
Once you were here a little while it became more annoying as you realized Taiwan was hardly a garden of peace: at work you listened open mouthed as the boss bollocked his staff for half an hour - and last night on the news a legislator called another ‘a fucking thick bitch’ in the legislature because she didn’t understand Taiwanese - then there were the usual four or five killings because someone beeped their horn at the wrong person or gave someone a strange look in a pool hall; however, we foreigners like to argue.
“Sorry, for offending the karma of peace and tranquillity you Taiwanese all have," I would reply.
All this just to get laid with a hot girl - which kind of, in a stroke, immediately eliminates any superiority i might have been feeling.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Josh and Taiwan girls: No means no - and yes means no too
As i have said people are complicated, varied and filled with the capacity to surprise. However, you can draw some rough guidelines, and with the women in Taiwan i would draw these: they are averagely more coy, demure, committed, downtrodden and less direct than in the west - Now, if you are a good, middle-class college boy from the west brought up on Mike Tyson date rape trials and 'no means no' campaigns, it can be a little daunting at first. If you then add to the mix an overly neurotic desire to be honest and upfront so as not to hurt other people, you can get yourself in a lot of trouble meeting Taiwanese girls.
Six months ago, Josh had had a girlfriend who said she loved him after one month. We all do, it is not a cause for panic. You just have to ask a Taiwanese female friend what is means and she will tell you the girl is just trying to create a romantic atmosphere. It is actually a little more than that: the culture emphasises friendship and the Taiwanese compete to say nice things to each other all the time, viewed from that perspective you can take it with a pinch of salt.
Josh, unfortunately, had panicked. He had since told every date before the starter had finished that - "I must tell you I am not looking for anything serious” - and six months later he was still sexless.
Finally, we had convinced him that if she didn't ask, then he was not obliged to answer; that, in fact, he was not obliged to know if he was in love and committed to the relationship within a month - and he could take his time. More importantly, he was unquestionably getting his date's back up by taking such a position.
Half convinced he went on another date. Slowly over the next few months he revealed how badly it went...
His date for the evening was Candies Lien, a late twenties account executive for Christian Dior who had a degree from Canada.
"You are a little quiet," said Candies now they had finished the main course.
"Yeah, sorry, a few things on my mind," said Josh.
For twenty minutes now he had been trying to analyse if she was going to fall in love with him or not. Whether he needed to tell her the truth.
“Are you busy?” he said.
“Yes, of course. I have to earn money,” she replied.
He sighed and hissed because he knew it had been another time-wasting question.
“Okay,” said Josh, aware that things were dragging and he was the one with his heels to the ground. "Hmm, so - "
“So, you know I am a foreigner.”
Fuck, that is stupid, he thought.
“You know we foreigners have a reputation,” he said referring to the one Westerners had for loving and leaving in most of the world.
“I know,” she said smiling.
“And?”
“Hmm…Just I know. What can I do?”
She smiled and then pushed out her bottom lip and hunched her shoulders. He was sure he caught her flick an inviting look…but then a moment later he was unsure.
“So, you know and that means??”he replied.
She went through the same set of body moments and gestures, and for a fleeting moment he was sure and unsure again.
“I see you know...” he said, presuming he was beginning to make himself unappealing to even a Taiwanese girl. “Hey…Nothing…Again...”
He stared at her hard trying to will an answer out of her that he wanted to hear: Don't worry, i know life is complicated. He was frustrated because he kind of guessed she had given him the answer he wanted, but she hadn’t put it up on a big neon sign - The minimum he required at this stage.
He looked her up and down again – She had soft features, pleasant manner, unassuming; if she had heavy eye shadow, an aggressive manner; her tone of voice pleasant not snappy, this would be easy.
He decided he had to tell her.
“I am just gonna go to the bathroom,” said Josh. “Sorry.”
He walked through the curtain next to the coke machine on the back wall, and he opened the door to the left with the Chinese characters for bathroom. It was small, barely a meter and a half wide and a couple meters long. He couldn’t swing a cat. It was tiled white. No carpet. Carpet was a rarity in homes in Taiwan and definitely nowhere to be found in toilets. It was unisex with a urinal on the back wall on the left opposite the door and a squat toilet on the right. Squat toilets were bedded in a set of bricks so that further limited his ability to pace. It was smelly. It had no air conditioner. He wanted to be out of there quickly. He paced up and down from the bricks around the urinal to the floor below, considering what was said. Presumably, he told himself, even though he was no expert on Chinese culture, he could relax. She was saving face and not directly giving her answer. It was pretty basic, he made up his mind. He would head back to his seat. Hold on, he thought. He still didn’t have the answer to that look. After all she just said he understood what we were like, she didn’t say she agreed. She was still going to love him. He thought of ways to ask her whether she agreed, but he was too nervous already. He had been in the bathroom too long.
I’ll decide on the way out, he thought.
She gave him a fake smile. “Everything okay?”
‘No problem. Thank you,” he said knowing he looked anything but like he didn’t have a care in the world.
“So, Candies…” He stalled.
"What?"
“So, do you want to go back to mine?” he asked.
She didn’t answer, but started to put her coat on to go with him. Still Josh needed to find out if he was sending her to his home or hers. She didn’t answer.
“It is okay? You want to come to mine?” He asked again. She had made it easy for him so many times already so he felt a little harrying might get her to give him the answer he wanted and save any guilt.
She didn't answer but they got on his scooter, her behind.
“Are you okay?”he asked again.
She registered what he meant and started to get annoyed: This was her first time to go back to a guy’s place so quickly, and she was embarrassed, and she really wanted him to respect her feelings as a ‘lady’ and be more subtle.
Still, she wanted to do this, and so decided the question could be perceived as checking if she was alright on the back of his scooter.
“Yes...thank you,” she answered putting her arms around his chest. "We Taiwanese are used to riding on the motorbike.”
He fell silent because he knew she wasn’t answering the question he asked. He knew she was going to fall in love with him.
For the next twenty minutes until they arrived at his house, he said nothing and she began to feel uncomfortable the result of his negatives vibes; starting to feel dirty instead of caught up in the moment.
He parked his scooter outside his apartment buildings, turned off his engine, sat facing forward for a second, then turned his head.
“If you don’t want to do this just say?” he blurted out.
I am already outside your apartment you stupid boy, she thought, I thought you foreigners were sex maniacs.
She got off the back of the motorbike, and stood saying nothing; trying to block out that ever dissipating enthusiasm.
“You know if we have sex tonight, it is just sex, it doesn’t make you my girlfriend, nor does it mean I love you. It takes a long time to know if you love someone,” said Josh.
She felt humiliated. She wanted to be romanced, given a break from reality, lied to if necessary; instead she was left feeling the next move was to slap on rubber gloves and press hard on each other’s anal G-spots.
“If I have sex with someone, it is very important to me. It means I care about that person very much,”she said.
Ten minutes later in the taxi back home reflection had set in for both of them, and they were kicking themselves hard.
. . .
A week later Jasmine was sat on Josh’s bed watching the TV, waiting...
Two days ago she had called up. “Hello,” she said. “Um, I am sorry about last time.”
“No, my fault,” he said and invited her to come round.
About an hour before she arrived the nerves had started to kick in, and he started to feel bad again: The poor girl was that desperate. He had bullied her into coming. He had lied to her. Now she was going to have sex with him and he was going to break her heart.
She hadn’t had a big beaming smile when she entered the door – and he noted that and got more nervous.
He got her a glass of wine, and remembered she might just be being shy. Then led her into the bedroom – He shared an apartment with two other Canadians and he didn’t want her sitting in the lounge and them coming back when he made his move.
He psyched himself: just relax because she wouldn’t be here if she didn’t want to, take the lead because she was shy, don’t keep asking and don’t wait.
Candies was sat on the bed with her knees tucked up to her chest. He flashed her a smile, she didn’t respond to. She was sitting on a strange man’s bed after all – she knew she shouldn’t make it too easy for him. She remembered her nationality: what men expected of their women.
She straightened her legs out when she remembered he was a foreigner – they don’t look down on girls for sleeping around, she told herself – and smiled.
He took up position next to her.
Fuck, he thought. It was that dating show – the Taiwanese version of Blind Date. He had heard almost every couple on the show got married.
“Why don’t we watch MTV,” he said.
She looked sad, but said nothing as she didn’t want to appear argumentative or selfish.
He turned his head to kiss her because he wanted things over - Just a few moments later, he started to try to remove her top. She watched him desperately trying to remove her top by pulling it up over her breasts. After a minute or so it was hurting her as, in his attempts to get it up without moving her or putting his hand inside, meant he was pulling it outwards taunt against her back, scraping along. It was also her favourite Dior t-shirt and she didn’t want it ruined. She arched her back slightly, hoping it was enough to give him a hint what to do, not enough so he could take the top off completely, because that was his job to man-handle her. Finally, he moved her enough to remove the outer layers of clothing – the skirt, tights and t-shirt.
The bra went, and then he went for the underwear. “What are you doing?” she said, partly annoyed at the speed of all this, partly as an instinctive action she was already regretting.
He sat up.
A few moments passed and she felt awkward sat topless on the bed.
“Kiss me,” she said grabbing him.
They kissed with him spending more time thinking, and the pants went. He massaged and kissed, and procrastinated as he doubted whether he should put her through this life changing experience.
He thought about going down on her, but he guessed he was only hard now because he was pressed up against her thigh, and taking that physical pressure away would mean victory of the mental pressure over his apparatus.
“Bu yao la (I don’t want!)” she said as he tried to enter her.
He sat up straight immediately. Doubts were drowning out the registration of devilment in her voice and the lack of volume in her protestations. He knew it could be explained by culture factors, but he suppressed that immediately – cultural issues were putting his head in a spin. At this stage - 'fuck me now, fuck me hard’ - would have been interpreted as an attempt by her to get the act over as quickly as possible so she could go home soon and start mending her broken heart. He was hoping she would rape him.
“You are not interested, right? Okay, I get you a taxi,” he said.
She covered herself with the duvet and lay on the bed unmoved, a little puzzled, she realized that he actually was going to get her a taxi, and she started to sniffle and fumble for her clothes.
Overwhelmed with anger and shame, he put on his boxers and headed to the living room to make a call. As it dawned on he had completely messed up anyway, he might as well tell the truth.
“Candies, I am sorry. I am a fucking goof - that is idiot. I don't know if i am looking for anything serious. I have to be honest to you.”
“I know,” she said, reacting positively to his new soft approach.
“What do you mean, ‘you know’,” he replied thinking there should be more words said than that.
“I know you will leave me one day. I can feel, but I want this opportunity. I don’t regret…Hmm, show me your hand,” she said.
He looked at her strange, but a sense of fairness was kicking in – he had behaved like the idiot – and he followed along.
“See this line - It means you will be very successful at work. And this shows you will have many lovers. I know now it is my fate.”
Again, he looked at her strange. It just sounded too weird for him. He knew the Taiwanese were superstitious and religious people: there were temples everywhere, the priests in the orange and brown robes; people were always burning paper money for some ghost or festival, or for dead relatives to spend in the afterlife. He wasn’t interested in these things. He had intended to ignore this aspect of the culture. Now it was dawning on him they really did take it seriously.
They made love – passionate, romantic love like you do when you have just come to an understanding.
A few hours later they were relaxing watching TV. They were both feeling fantastic: Candies hadn’t had a boyfriend for a year and was happy to just feel wanted; Josh was excited because he could find a girl on his terms.
Candies leaned over and looked him in the eye. "I love you," she said.
Josh started to run for the door before he realised it was his home.
Six months ago, Josh had had a girlfriend who said she loved him after one month. We all do, it is not a cause for panic. You just have to ask a Taiwanese female friend what is means and she will tell you the girl is just trying to create a romantic atmosphere. It is actually a little more than that: the culture emphasises friendship and the Taiwanese compete to say nice things to each other all the time, viewed from that perspective you can take it with a pinch of salt.
Josh, unfortunately, had panicked. He had since told every date before the starter had finished that - "I must tell you I am not looking for anything serious” - and six months later he was still sexless.
Finally, we had convinced him that if she didn't ask, then he was not obliged to answer; that, in fact, he was not obliged to know if he was in love and committed to the relationship within a month - and he could take his time. More importantly, he was unquestionably getting his date's back up by taking such a position.
Half convinced he went on another date. Slowly over the next few months he revealed how badly it went...
His date for the evening was Candies Lien, a late twenties account executive for Christian Dior who had a degree from Canada.
"You are a little quiet," said Candies now they had finished the main course.
"Yeah, sorry, a few things on my mind," said Josh.
For twenty minutes now he had been trying to analyse if she was going to fall in love with him or not. Whether he needed to tell her the truth.
“Are you busy?” he said.
“Yes, of course. I have to earn money,” she replied.
He sighed and hissed because he knew it had been another time-wasting question.
“Okay,” said Josh, aware that things were dragging and he was the one with his heels to the ground. "Hmm, so - "
“So, you know I am a foreigner.”
Fuck, that is stupid, he thought.
“You know we foreigners have a reputation,” he said referring to the one Westerners had for loving and leaving in most of the world.
“I know,” she said smiling.
“And?”
“Hmm…Just I know. What can I do?”
She smiled and then pushed out her bottom lip and hunched her shoulders. He was sure he caught her flick an inviting look…but then a moment later he was unsure.
“So, you know and that means??”he replied.
She went through the same set of body moments and gestures, and for a fleeting moment he was sure and unsure again.
“I see you know...” he said, presuming he was beginning to make himself unappealing to even a Taiwanese girl. “Hey…Nothing…Again...”
He stared at her hard trying to will an answer out of her that he wanted to hear: Don't worry, i know life is complicated. He was frustrated because he kind of guessed she had given him the answer he wanted, but she hadn’t put it up on a big neon sign - The minimum he required at this stage.
He looked her up and down again – She had soft features, pleasant manner, unassuming; if she had heavy eye shadow, an aggressive manner; her tone of voice pleasant not snappy, this would be easy.
He decided he had to tell her.
“I am just gonna go to the bathroom,” said Josh. “Sorry.”
He walked through the curtain next to the coke machine on the back wall, and he opened the door to the left with the Chinese characters for bathroom. It was small, barely a meter and a half wide and a couple meters long. He couldn’t swing a cat. It was tiled white. No carpet. Carpet was a rarity in homes in Taiwan and definitely nowhere to be found in toilets. It was unisex with a urinal on the back wall on the left opposite the door and a squat toilet on the right. Squat toilets were bedded in a set of bricks so that further limited his ability to pace. It was smelly. It had no air conditioner. He wanted to be out of there quickly. He paced up and down from the bricks around the urinal to the floor below, considering what was said. Presumably, he told himself, even though he was no expert on Chinese culture, he could relax. She was saving face and not directly giving her answer. It was pretty basic, he made up his mind. He would head back to his seat. Hold on, he thought. He still didn’t have the answer to that look. After all she just said he understood what we were like, she didn’t say she agreed. She was still going to love him. He thought of ways to ask her whether she agreed, but he was too nervous already. He had been in the bathroom too long.
I’ll decide on the way out, he thought.
She gave him a fake smile. “Everything okay?”
‘No problem. Thank you,” he said knowing he looked anything but like he didn’t have a care in the world.
“So, Candies…” He stalled.
"What?"
“So, do you want to go back to mine?” he asked.
She didn’t answer, but started to put her coat on to go with him. Still Josh needed to find out if he was sending her to his home or hers. She didn’t answer.
“It is okay? You want to come to mine?” He asked again. She had made it easy for him so many times already so he felt a little harrying might get her to give him the answer he wanted and save any guilt.
She didn't answer but they got on his scooter, her behind.
“Are you okay?”he asked again.
She registered what he meant and started to get annoyed: This was her first time to go back to a guy’s place so quickly, and she was embarrassed, and she really wanted him to respect her feelings as a ‘lady’ and be more subtle.
Still, she wanted to do this, and so decided the question could be perceived as checking if she was alright on the back of his scooter.
“Yes...thank you,” she answered putting her arms around his chest. "We Taiwanese are used to riding on the motorbike.”
He fell silent because he knew she wasn’t answering the question he asked. He knew she was going to fall in love with him.
For the next twenty minutes until they arrived at his house, he said nothing and she began to feel uncomfortable the result of his negatives vibes; starting to feel dirty instead of caught up in the moment.
He parked his scooter outside his apartment buildings, turned off his engine, sat facing forward for a second, then turned his head.
“If you don’t want to do this just say?” he blurted out.
I am already outside your apartment you stupid boy, she thought, I thought you foreigners were sex maniacs.
She got off the back of the motorbike, and stood saying nothing; trying to block out that ever dissipating enthusiasm.
“You know if we have sex tonight, it is just sex, it doesn’t make you my girlfriend, nor does it mean I love you. It takes a long time to know if you love someone,” said Josh.
She felt humiliated. She wanted to be romanced, given a break from reality, lied to if necessary; instead she was left feeling the next move was to slap on rubber gloves and press hard on each other’s anal G-spots.
“If I have sex with someone, it is very important to me. It means I care about that person very much,”she said.
Ten minutes later in the taxi back home reflection had set in for both of them, and they were kicking themselves hard.
. . .
A week later Jasmine was sat on Josh’s bed watching the TV, waiting...
Two days ago she had called up. “Hello,” she said. “Um, I am sorry about last time.”
“No, my fault,” he said and invited her to come round.
About an hour before she arrived the nerves had started to kick in, and he started to feel bad again: The poor girl was that desperate. He had bullied her into coming. He had lied to her. Now she was going to have sex with him and he was going to break her heart.
She hadn’t had a big beaming smile when she entered the door – and he noted that and got more nervous.
He got her a glass of wine, and remembered she might just be being shy. Then led her into the bedroom – He shared an apartment with two other Canadians and he didn’t want her sitting in the lounge and them coming back when he made his move.
He psyched himself: just relax because she wouldn’t be here if she didn’t want to, take the lead because she was shy, don’t keep asking and don’t wait.
Candies was sat on the bed with her knees tucked up to her chest. He flashed her a smile, she didn’t respond to. She was sitting on a strange man’s bed after all – she knew she shouldn’t make it too easy for him. She remembered her nationality: what men expected of their women.
She straightened her legs out when she remembered he was a foreigner – they don’t look down on girls for sleeping around, she told herself – and smiled.
He took up position next to her.
Fuck, he thought. It was that dating show – the Taiwanese version of Blind Date. He had heard almost every couple on the show got married.
“Why don’t we watch MTV,” he said.
She looked sad, but said nothing as she didn’t want to appear argumentative or selfish.
He turned his head to kiss her because he wanted things over - Just a few moments later, he started to try to remove her top. She watched him desperately trying to remove her top by pulling it up over her breasts. After a minute or so it was hurting her as, in his attempts to get it up without moving her or putting his hand inside, meant he was pulling it outwards taunt against her back, scraping along. It was also her favourite Dior t-shirt and she didn’t want it ruined. She arched her back slightly, hoping it was enough to give him a hint what to do, not enough so he could take the top off completely, because that was his job to man-handle her. Finally, he moved her enough to remove the outer layers of clothing – the skirt, tights and t-shirt.
The bra went, and then he went for the underwear. “What are you doing?” she said, partly annoyed at the speed of all this, partly as an instinctive action she was already regretting.
He sat up.
A few moments passed and she felt awkward sat topless on the bed.
“Kiss me,” she said grabbing him.
They kissed with him spending more time thinking, and the pants went. He massaged and kissed, and procrastinated as he doubted whether he should put her through this life changing experience.
He thought about going down on her, but he guessed he was only hard now because he was pressed up against her thigh, and taking that physical pressure away would mean victory of the mental pressure over his apparatus.
“Bu yao la (I don’t want!)” she said as he tried to enter her.
He sat up straight immediately. Doubts were drowning out the registration of devilment in her voice and the lack of volume in her protestations. He knew it could be explained by culture factors, but he suppressed that immediately – cultural issues were putting his head in a spin. At this stage - 'fuck me now, fuck me hard’ - would have been interpreted as an attempt by her to get the act over as quickly as possible so she could go home soon and start mending her broken heart. He was hoping she would rape him.
“You are not interested, right? Okay, I get you a taxi,” he said.
She covered herself with the duvet and lay on the bed unmoved, a little puzzled, she realized that he actually was going to get her a taxi, and she started to sniffle and fumble for her clothes.
Overwhelmed with anger and shame, he put on his boxers and headed to the living room to make a call. As it dawned on he had completely messed up anyway, he might as well tell the truth.
“Candies, I am sorry. I am a fucking goof - that is idiot. I don't know if i am looking for anything serious. I have to be honest to you.”
“I know,” she said, reacting positively to his new soft approach.
“What do you mean, ‘you know’,” he replied thinking there should be more words said than that.
“I know you will leave me one day. I can feel, but I want this opportunity. I don’t regret…Hmm, show me your hand,” she said.
He looked at her strange, but a sense of fairness was kicking in – he had behaved like the idiot – and he followed along.
“See this line - It means you will be very successful at work. And this shows you will have many lovers. I know now it is my fate.”
Again, he looked at her strange. It just sounded too weird for him. He knew the Taiwanese were superstitious and religious people: there were temples everywhere, the priests in the orange and brown robes; people were always burning paper money for some ghost or festival, or for dead relatives to spend in the afterlife. He wasn’t interested in these things. He had intended to ignore this aspect of the culture. Now it was dawning on him they really did take it seriously.
They made love – passionate, romantic love like you do when you have just come to an understanding.
A few hours later they were relaxing watching TV. They were both feeling fantastic: Candies hadn’t had a boyfriend for a year and was happy to just feel wanted; Josh was excited because he could find a girl on his terms.
Candies leaned over and looked him in the eye. "I love you," she said.
Josh started to run for the door before he realised it was his home.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Stereotypes: If i have to be an English teacher, where is your restaurant?
You hear a deafening roar when you first arrive about the difficulties of being accepted as anything other than an English teacher, but once I got a good job I discovered it was more about the title: if your name card said editor or copywriter then you were fair game to be treated as a moving dictionary; if your name card said manager then you usually got respect as a businessman. Still, even when I became a manager in a computer company there were one or two guys who just wouldn’t get it.
A new colleague, Joe Hsieh, knew I spoke Chinese but all week he been interjecting with “Do you understand?” after everything my colleagues said to me in Chinese, so intent on acting as translator, he was willing to ignore that his Taiwanese colleagues spoke better English than him and could do their own translation - if they wanted.
During the break in our weekly marketing meeting he came over and put his arm around my shoulder. “Hsin Ku, Hsin ku,” she said while giving me a look that he understood how tough it was in a foreign country.
He then turned to our colleagues: “Isn’t it great to have a foreigner in the office. You can teach us all English.”
I was usually restrained in the company, figuring smiling and ignoring would get me further, but it seemed this tactic wasn’t working with Joe.
“So have you lived abroad Joe?” I asked.
“Yes, I lived in Texas for two years.”
“So, you opened a restaurant while you were there?”
“No, of course not. I worked for Compaq.”
“Well, why not? You are Chinese.”
“I have an MBA.” He had still not got the point - too feverishly wrapped up in making it known that he was educated.
“I think you missed a good opportunity! What about Gong fu? All you Chinese know Gong fu, you could have opened a school.”
Only loud laughter from the others was able to cause a dawning.
A new colleague, Joe Hsieh, knew I spoke Chinese but all week he been interjecting with “Do you understand?” after everything my colleagues said to me in Chinese, so intent on acting as translator, he was willing to ignore that his Taiwanese colleagues spoke better English than him and could do their own translation - if they wanted.
During the break in our weekly marketing meeting he came over and put his arm around my shoulder. “Hsin Ku, Hsin ku,” she said while giving me a look that he understood how tough it was in a foreign country.
He then turned to our colleagues: “Isn’t it great to have a foreigner in the office. You can teach us all English.”
I was usually restrained in the company, figuring smiling and ignoring would get me further, but it seemed this tactic wasn’t working with Joe.
“So have you lived abroad Joe?” I asked.
“Yes, I lived in Texas for two years.”
“So, you opened a restaurant while you were there?”
“No, of course not. I worked for Compaq.”
“Well, why not? You are Chinese.”
“I have an MBA.” He had still not got the point - too feverishly wrapped up in making it known that he was educated.
“I think you missed a good opportunity! What about Gong fu? All you Chinese know Gong fu, you could have opened a school.”
Only loud laughter from the others was able to cause a dawning.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
