Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Stupid expats: Hate yourself too much to appreciate Taiwan girls

The two expat guys in question were called David and Swen – although we guessed there were plenty like them.
David and Swen were friends of John’s who he always met in the bar at around at 11:00. He would ideally like to go with us but we, like most expat foreigners in Taiwan, sat around in someone’s apartment drinking beer until one in the morning to save money. John worked 50 hours a week or more and, in his own words, didn’t want to sit around waiting for his evening to happen. It was arguable if he even needed to meet them as, as soon as the bar got crowded they would fan out, only passing another twenty minutes of conversation together all night. David to one side of the bar and Sven to the other, while John wandered around introducing himself to anyone who would talk to him. When pushed on the subject, he admitted that it wouldn’t make much difference to go alone, but it was that initial thirty minutes or so of knocking back Tequila, he didn’t want to do by himself. None of us liked Sven and David, but John explained they were disgusting Neanderthals and after working hard all week, behaving like a decent human being, it was good to talk to someone without a good bone in their bodies.
Sven and David were in the bar to pick up Taiwan girls three nights a week; rain or shine, sick or healthy, on their own or with friends, they had to be there to stop there lives falling apart. They had not evolved – This was Taipei, everyone had a Taiwanese girlfriend so you could talk to your friends for most of the time in the bar; there wasn’t such a hurry. Not them, they were to be found heads above the crowd, staring hungrily, agitated, consumed, like the desperate guys in the over-25 Nightclub back home, who hadn’t met a girl for months, and were beginning to question whether they ever would do again. They were so focused a 100 people could walk by and spit in their glass and they would never know, yet they picked up the night before, 3 days ago, 5 times this month and countless this year. Surely they must have proved to themselves that they were men by now…it seemed not.
“What’s up mate?” asked John suddenly finding himself next to Sven.
“It is a bit slow tonight.” And with the sheer horror of not picking up that night dawning on him, Sven set off back into the crowd, efforts redoubled.
Then John saw David. “How is it going?” asked John.
David and Sven were not assholes because they liked to pick up Asian girls; they were assholes because of the manner in which they did it.
David replied, “I can’t find a decent girl, man - these Taiwan girls are all sluts. I am going to have to leave soon…to somewhere with decent girls. I expected to be married by this age, but not here!”
That was the problem: David was absolutely sincere in his disillusionment and disappointment, and because of it, destined to lead an unhappy life: arriving a nerdy virgin with an ultra conservative upbringing, meant he had to fuck as many Taiwan girls as possible to try and prove his worth as a man; then recoil in disgust because the girl was prepared to sleep with him. Drawing large maps of his hypocrisy, with bright colors and 3-D shapes specially designed for kids, didn’t help.
“Look at that slag. I fucked her last week and now she is with another guy,” he continued.
“It is okay, I don’t think you were planning to marry her,” replied John.
“I decide when things are over.” As an expat David’s ego had also got out of hand: he had got the idea that getting Taiwan girls had something to do with his looks and personality.
“Hey, that guy is ugly. You are ugly. This is Taiwan.” retorted John.
Sven returned, “I got to go someone else. I don’t care if it takes all night.”
“Just get yourself a whore. Save your energy,” replied John.
“I’m not going to pay for it.” Sven would never see her again; she could be anyone and he didn’t care if she liked him or not.  However, it was different from prostitute for reasons only known to him.
John was glad to see middle-class liberal contradictions weren’t dead.
Sven wasn’t finished. “Man, I just don’t get these 3-hour Take-a-Break hotels,” he said. “I mean, my girlfriend is at work so I go to one with this thing I picked up and the woman behind the desk is looking at me like I am some sort of smuck. She doesn’t know it ain’t my girlfriend.”
“There you go - Shows why we all hate lawyers,” said John.


Ry McCool said...

Wow. You've hit it on the head and described most of the single men I know in Taipei. Nice to know I'm not the only one who knows people like Dave and Sven.

Anonymous said...

Enjoyed this one. Seems we all know a few Svens and Davids... Even on this small & remote part of Taiwan.

Restaurant Brugge said...

thanks 4 sharing this post with us

Anonymous said...

I recently chatted with a girl online who lives in Tainan and mentioned the idea of a language exchange, since I haven't done one in quite some time, and would like some help with the (Chinese) book I've been reading these past few weeks.

Her response?

"Oh! Language exchange. I've tried that once before, but it was kind of scary. The first time was innocent enough, and I taught him some Chinese. But shortly thereafter the foreigner kept demanding that I go to night clubs with him and have a one night stand! I was horrified."

Who are these sleaze bags. At least experiences like these have helped me to better understand the concepts of discrimination and racism! ;-)

Anonymous said...

I almost feel sorry for these two clods. Sounds like one of those lame American beer commercials.