China: How many girls do you want with your burger?

This is one of Josh’s stories about the girls in China - I only half believed it at the time, but a few years later, I started visiting China regularly and realized that it was probably toned down.

He had been sent to China to do some work in Shenzhen.

He had checked in and about twenty minutes later was sat in the hotel restaurant, starving and ready to order.

“Ne hao,” said Josh to a girl serving him in the hotel restaurant.

“Ne hao,” she said. “What do you want to eat?”

“The burger please and a heineken.”

Five minutes later she returned with his Heineken and poured it into his glass before smoothing under her skirt and sitting down next to him.

“May I?” she said because he looked at her suspiciously.

“I don’t know. May you what?”

“I sit with you…Where are you from?”

“Canada. It is ok. I am ok on my own. I have work to do.”

“That is okay. You do your work and I will sit here and accompany you.”

“You are so kind. No thanks.”

“Your Chinese is very good. Hmm, you want to buy me a house drink.”

“Not really because I don’t want you to sit here. I am not lonely.”

“Only fifty dollar.”

“A bargain for your winning conversation when my Heineken was ten,” he continued. ““Please. Another time.”

“Really? You want me to give you a massage later?”

“No, I want you to just go away…Manager…”

“What is the matter?” asked the manager.

“I am just here to eat. This girl is annoying me.”

“You don’t like here? I get you another one.” He clicked his fingers and three other girls came running over trying to squeeze themselves into the booth.

“Ok. I am going to leave your restaurant if any girl comes near my table while I am eating,” shouted Josh.

Two hours later he was up in his room flicking through the channels and dozing off.

Tap, Tap, came the knock at the door.

“What’s up?” shouted Josh deciding he wouldn’t be speaking anymore Chinese.

Tap, tap, came the sound at the door again.

“What do you want?”

The tapping didn’t go away so he dragged himself to the door, and opened it a little to reveal the girl from the restaurant.

“What?”

“Massage.”

“I don’t want a massage. Thank you. Go away.”

He closed the door but the tapping didn’t go away.

“What?”

“Give me two hundred dollars (RMB).”

“What the fuck for?” He slammed the door and called the reception.

“There is a girl outside my door demanding money.”

“If you don’t want the massage that is okay, but you should give her a little money for coming to your room.”

“I didn’t book the massage.”

“It is China habit. It is polite to give her a little money.”

“If I knock on your door and try to sell you a car, you are not obliged to give me money?”

“How much does she want?”

“Two hundred dollars.”

“Maybe, you just give her a hundred. I am sure you can negotiate with her.”

“Maybe, you just come up here and tell her to fuck off. Maybe I just call the police.”

I know the last part is pointless, he said to himself not wishing to sound naieve.

The knocking continued so he decided to call the guy whose factory he was supposed to be auditing tomorrow.

“Mr. Liao. Hi, it is Josh from Invertec.”

In the background he could hear someone singing badly and shouts of ‘Down in one.”

“Oh, uh, Mr. Josh. I know.”

“I have a problem,” said Josh.

“You don’t like her?” said Mr. Liao after Josh explained. “I am surprised they won’t change…Why don’t you just get the massage?”

“Maybe, I don’t want any girls.”

Mr. Liao didn’t know what all the fuss was about but he sent someone to the hotel to sort out the problem. The guy he sent solved the problem by paying the girl her one hundred.